Today our baby is one month old. Today is also the first day I have given him a bottle, with formula in it. It was not an easy decision to come to. The last month has been wonderful, but also full of fussing and a never ending demand to feed. It has been, at times, completely overwhelming and frustrating. There were days that I literally spent 90% of my waking time with a baby attached to my chest! And that makes for a grumpy, hungry mom, especially when the baby doesnt seemed to be satisfied after all that work.
Now, as I type this, he is sleeping peacefully on the bed next to me. There has not been a time when he has slept this soundly, at least not in the last week or two. At the beginning of this nursing adventure, he had days when he would sleep for an hour or two. Recently it has only been when he is in the car seat while we are running errands. I cant believe I waited this long to give him what he wanted: more food! I really wanted to exclusively nurse this time though. The last 3 babies have all been bottle and breastfed, at the advice of my doctor who decided that they were just not gaining weight at a good rate. Then there was the suggestion that maybe my doctor was just a "formula pusher" and my milk would have been enough if I had just hung in there a little longer (not that I quit nursing when I started bottlefeeding). So this time I held out, taking all the nursing advice I could, convinced I could do it. Apparently, I cant. The determining factor was that today, at one month, our little guy is not back up to his birth weight. I am thankful that my husband helped to make this decision and has been encouraging this whole time.
It makes my chest hurt (both figuratively and literally) knowing that I just cant provide enough milk to sustain him. It shouldnt, but it does, make me feel like the littlest bit of a failure. On the other hand, I had the joy of sitting quietly with my infant, who was smiling and cooing, after taking 2 oz after nursing, and seeing the complete change in his disposition. I thought he was just an angry baby... He must have been hungry! And now he is sleeping.
I have several drafted posts from the last 6 months waiting to be published, some complete, some started and then forgotten. I will catch up someday. But let me at least say thank you for all your prayers during this pregnancy and delivery. They did not go unheard and my prayers were answered.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
New Baby
So while my newborn is sleeping, I have managed to find a few minutes to let everyone know what Im up to and where I am in my walk. If I hurry, I may even get this done in one sitting!
It has been months since the last post. I dont think that I posted it before, but I was pregnant for the majority of this year. We kept is a secret until April, at which point I was past the first trimester and into the second. As pregnancies go, this one was great. I was able to be fairly active this summer, and in the end, gained about 35 lbs. Not bad, but I started out heavier than I should have been also. But thats another subject all together....
Well, now to announce the arrival of our newest son, Liam! He is nearly 3 weeks at this posting and a lovely little baby. He cries ferociously, eats ferociously and thankfully, sleeps very well at night! Maybe we should have named him "Lion" ;)
What I really wanted to share about this pregnancy and delivery is the many ways that God has answered our prayers! It has been trying, but amazing, to see God's hand in all of this.
First off, my blood pressure, which went up and was acting erraticly after having the last baby by c-section, leveled off at perfect readings in the third trimester! When does that happen?! Usually, blood pressure gets WORSE the further into your pregnancy. So that was an answered prayer!
Second, I was able to VBAC, which is so awesome and Im so happy I didnt have to go thru another c-section. No breech baby. The recovery from that was awful and just not the way I prefer to deliver children. So second prayer answered!
Third, labor was just not progressing, so I had to have pitocin, which is not normally recommended with a VBAC, but my doctor was confident it would be fine for me under the circumstances, so he insisted we go forward. The baby came VERY quickly, and in fact, I strongly believe that they could have cut the dosage by 75% and it would have been plenty. Liam was born in under 2 hours from the first of the pitocin and I would say that I was barely having contractions before, so from 0 to 100 mph in 2 hours is FAST!!! Had he been a 10 lb baby like the last 2, we would have both been seriously hurt I believe. But praise God, he was my smallest baby yet, weighing in at only 8.6! So delivery, while fast and frenzied, was still relatively easy! What, thats 3 answered prayers? WOohoo!
On top of those MAJOR things that we had been praying about, there were other things that we were concerned about and that God took care of. We were worried that he would have the cord wrapped, just like ALL of his big brothers (thankfully, the first two it was not a problem and the third it actually prevented him from turning and resulted in the c-section) but he was NOT wrapped and in fact the doctor commented that his umbilical cord was short! Before that, we didnt get lab results back for the Strep B test and that was something that had caused a lot of digestive and diaper rash problems for our 2nd, after having antibiotics in utero, and since we never got results back, we didnt have to have any antibiotics.
There we so many ways that God revealed Himself in this pregnancy and delivery. I have struggled with wanting to honor God by submitting myself completely to him, all aspects of my life, and reproduction is certainly a big part of that. I can see that He did all this for His glory and Im awed by it. I want to be obedient in this and to me, that means accepting the possibility of having a BIG family. Im okay with that. I just hope that I can use it to minister to other people and to lovingly accept their criticism, chastisement, and generally rude comments.
I hope you will find something to glorify God for in this story. Or at the very least, to stop and look at things in your life and give thanks for the things that came to be by the way God worked.
First off, my blood pressure, which went up and was acting erraticly after having the last baby by c-section, leveled off at perfect readings in the third trimester! When does that happen?! Usually, blood pressure gets WORSE the further into your pregnancy. So that was an answered prayer!
Second, I was able to VBAC, which is so awesome and Im so happy I didnt have to go thru another c-section. No breech baby. The recovery from that was awful and just not the way I prefer to deliver children. So second prayer answered!
Third, labor was just not progressing, so I had to have pitocin, which is not normally recommended with a VBAC, but my doctor was confident it would be fine for me under the circumstances, so he insisted we go forward. The baby came VERY quickly, and in fact, I strongly believe that they could have cut the dosage by 75% and it would have been plenty. Liam was born in under 2 hours from the first of the pitocin and I would say that I was barely having contractions before, so from 0 to 100 mph in 2 hours is FAST!!! Had he been a 10 lb baby like the last 2, we would have both been seriously hurt I believe. But praise God, he was my smallest baby yet, weighing in at only 8.6! So delivery, while fast and frenzied, was still relatively easy! What, thats 3 answered prayers? WOohoo!
On top of those MAJOR things that we had been praying about, there were other things that we were concerned about and that God took care of. We were worried that he would have the cord wrapped, just like ALL of his big brothers (thankfully, the first two it was not a problem and the third it actually prevented him from turning and resulted in the c-section) but he was NOT wrapped and in fact the doctor commented that his umbilical cord was short! Before that, we didnt get lab results back for the Strep B test and that was something that had caused a lot of digestive and diaper rash problems for our 2nd, after having antibiotics in utero, and since we never got results back, we didnt have to have any antibiotics.
There we so many ways that God revealed Himself in this pregnancy and delivery. I have struggled with wanting to honor God by submitting myself completely to him, all aspects of my life, and reproduction is certainly a big part of that. I can see that He did all this for His glory and Im awed by it. I want to be obedient in this and to me, that means accepting the possibility of having a BIG family. Im okay with that. I just hope that I can use it to minister to other people and to lovingly accept their criticism, chastisement, and generally rude comments.
I hope you will find something to glorify God for in this story. Or at the very least, to stop and look at things in your life and give thanks for the things that came to be by the way God worked.
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