It is the evening of December 25th. There are snowflake banners draped over our windows. Smells of comfort foods permeate the air in the house and cookies and candies sit on a tray next to hot cocoa. Children can be heard squabbling in another room, arguing over their gifts and who's turn it is next.
Is is Christmas? Nope. Its Chanukah!
Given the above description, you would not look at our holiday celebrations and say to yourself "these kids are missing out", because they are not. There was no tree at our house, but there was magic when we lit the candles on the hanukkiah. There were no red bows or evergreen boughs decking our halls, but there was an atmosphere of thankfulness and honor for new traditions. Santa was no where to be found and no Christmas carols were sung, yet there were gifts received and gifts given, some made and some bought. There were no stockings, but there were giddy children gathered around to play with dreidels, teaching their father about the letters on the top and bartering for prizes they wanted from each other.
Best of all, no one is complaining of not having Christmas! That is music to my ears.
The children are all embracing the transition to celebrating only biblical feasts. The hardest transition has been for mom and dad. We grew up with Christmas stuff. The pressure to celebrate like everyone else is real and felt keenly. We are both feeling a bit alone and exposed right now, but we are both sure that if Messiah was here, he would not be celebrating Christmas, he would be celebrating Chanukah. So we will keep pressing on, abstaining from pagan holidays and embracing holy days and feasts celebrated by God's people. This is the Feast of Dedication and a great time to focus on being the light that we have been called to be.
I hope that you have a wonderful Chanukah. Shalom
Monday, December 26, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Holiday relief
I have a secret to share.
No, I'm not pregnant.
I just gave away ALL of our Christmas stuff away! Seriously. The tree, the lights, the ornaments and all the other decorations!
It is such a relief to be rid of it. Not only did I get rid of the boxes, but I got rid of the pressure to decorate and celebrate a holiday that I can't really verify scripturally, but I GAINED a lot of shelf space!
Shelf space during the clearing process; Christmas has left the building!
The sense of a burden having been lifted is amazing. I can watch television without feeling compelled to shop. I can keep money in my pocket and avoid holiday crowds if I want to. I am looking forward to that.
I am most excited that my husband is in total support this year. I asked before getting rid of stuff and he was just as confident in the decision. We have a set of traditions that we are using again from last year. We are using this lesson again as a template for our holiday. There are days to give as well as days to receive. Hardest of all is trying to keep our gift giving from creating extra clutter and waste from packaging in our house. I know, I have high standards for someone with a 6 month old at home!
Our Veggietales nativity set; miscellaneous holiday items kept
I saved decorations that could be used for other holidays - berry wreaths and the nativity scene, some lambs and angels. I am sure we can find uses for them. It has been fun to discuss the birth of Yeshua with our kids and clarify why we are not going to celebrate Christmas anymore. Let's hope they really do understand or there could be a lot of tears on December 25th!
No, I'm not pregnant.
I just gave away ALL of our Christmas stuff away! Seriously. The tree, the lights, the ornaments and all the other decorations!
It is such a relief to be rid of it. Not only did I get rid of the boxes, but I got rid of the pressure to decorate and celebrate a holiday that I can't really verify scripturally, but I GAINED a lot of shelf space!
Shelf space during the clearing process; Christmas has left the building!
The sense of a burden having been lifted is amazing. I can watch television without feeling compelled to shop. I can keep money in my pocket and avoid holiday crowds if I want to. I am looking forward to that.
I am most excited that my husband is in total support this year. I asked before getting rid of stuff and he was just as confident in the decision. We have a set of traditions that we are using again from last year. We are using this lesson again as a template for our holiday. There are days to give as well as days to receive. Hardest of all is trying to keep our gift giving from creating extra clutter and waste from packaging in our house. I know, I have high standards for someone with a 6 month old at home!
Our Veggietales nativity set; miscellaneous holiday items kept
I saved decorations that could be used for other holidays - berry wreaths and the nativity scene, some lambs and angels. I am sure we can find uses for them. It has been fun to discuss the birth of Yeshua with our kids and clarify why we are not going to celebrate Christmas anymore. Let's hope they really do understand or there could be a lot of tears on December 25th!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Managing our home
Last time I wrote about how I was learning to be a better wife and mother by simply staying home and saying NO to more activities. Now, I am still learning, so I am admitting that I sometimes (okay, often) slip on the "not over committing myself" thing. (I feel like I am at a support group, sharing my failures and looking for reassurance here. Not that there is anything wrong with that. There is probably more than one 12 step, self help book out there that I should be reading...)
Anyway, in all the chaos of life, I started looking for a way to make my day work for me. With the nursing, with classes for the older kids and with some decent amount of house keeping. What I found was a book called "Large Family Logistics". I have been following the author's blog for a while, admiring the false image of togetherness that I imagine her life to be. When I first got the book, I went right to the part about organizing my week.
Organizing your week is assigning a day of the week for certain jobs and tasks. For generations women have used this system to help them stay on top of chores like washing, mending, and running errands. Most people use a system that ends with Sunday as their day to rest and go to church. That doesn't really work at my house because we observe a Saturday sabbath. I have heard of other families that keep a Saturday sabbath using a similar system, but they all seem to use Friday to do their cleaning. That doesn't work for me either. I turn into an angry, frenzied housekeeper, rushing to get the house done and food prepared before we can kindle the sabbath lights, and berating everyone within ear's shot about the lousy job they are doing. That doesn't make for a very peaceful sabbath! I feel that the author of "Large Family Logistics" encourages the reader to find a schedule that works for them. The focus is on being home to actually care for your home and family.
Our week goes something like this -
Sunday is yard day, we work outside, clean out cars, clean out the chicken coop.
Monday, office day, when I do paper work and check emails, and, ideally, blog.
Tuesday is our town day. We have a club the older kids attend and I run as many errands as I can on that day, often leaving off less important ones for other days. Ideally, this would be our only day away from home, but keep reading.
Wednesday, kitchen day. If I'm thinking the night before, I start a batch of beef or chicken stock in my slow cooker and its ready on Wednesday. It is also the day that I precook extra meals or freeze or can foods. It helps that Tuesday is my day to shop.
Thursday is cleaning day. I find this helps me not go crazy, rushing to get everything done before 6 pm on erev shabbat.
Friday is laundry day, but right now we are committed to be at the boys' club that afternoon. If I work it right, I do laundry all week and we have time for folding in the morning.
The boys do school work after breakfast and their morning chores. We are working on getting to the fun stuff like art and field trips, something that I hope will happen when we are done with the club. So far this system is mostly working. It has really helped with prioritizing. If I don't get to a certain task on it's appointed day, often it just gets crossed off the list or bumped to next week.
We are slowly regaining the peace of our lives around here. Keep your chin up, it will get better :)
Anyway, in all the chaos of life, I started looking for a way to make my day work for me. With the nursing, with classes for the older kids and with some decent amount of house keeping. What I found was a book called "Large Family Logistics". I have been following the author's blog for a while, admiring the false image of togetherness that I imagine her life to be. When I first got the book, I went right to the part about organizing my week.
Organizing your week is assigning a day of the week for certain jobs and tasks. For generations women have used this system to help them stay on top of chores like washing, mending, and running errands. Most people use a system that ends with Sunday as their day to rest and go to church. That doesn't really work at my house because we observe a Saturday sabbath. I have heard of other families that keep a Saturday sabbath using a similar system, but they all seem to use Friday to do their cleaning. That doesn't work for me either. I turn into an angry, frenzied housekeeper, rushing to get the house done and food prepared before we can kindle the sabbath lights, and berating everyone within ear's shot about the lousy job they are doing. That doesn't make for a very peaceful sabbath! I feel that the author of "Large Family Logistics" encourages the reader to find a schedule that works for them. The focus is on being home to actually care for your home and family.
Our week goes something like this -
Sunday is yard day, we work outside, clean out cars, clean out the chicken coop.
Monday, office day, when I do paper work and check emails, and, ideally, blog.
Tuesday is our town day. We have a club the older kids attend and I run as many errands as I can on that day, often leaving off less important ones for other days. Ideally, this would be our only day away from home, but keep reading.
Wednesday, kitchen day. If I'm thinking the night before, I start a batch of beef or chicken stock in my slow cooker and its ready on Wednesday. It is also the day that I precook extra meals or freeze or can foods. It helps that Tuesday is my day to shop.
Thursday is cleaning day. I find this helps me not go crazy, rushing to get everything done before 6 pm on erev shabbat.
Friday is laundry day, but right now we are committed to be at the boys' club that afternoon. If I work it right, I do laundry all week and we have time for folding in the morning.
The boys do school work after breakfast and their morning chores. We are working on getting to the fun stuff like art and field trips, something that I hope will happen when we are done with the club. So far this system is mostly working. It has really helped with prioritizing. If I don't get to a certain task on it's appointed day, often it just gets crossed off the list or bumped to next week.
We are slowly regaining the peace of our lives around here. Keep your chin up, it will get better :)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Changes
It's no secret that I have been floundering to get my bearings for the last 2 years. Between having 2 babies and buying a home that needs a complete overhaul, any one would feel that way. I haven't really come out of it though. I have put it on hold for sickness, don't ask me to explain that completely, but the few moments of relief have been during illness! Overall, I have still been pushing myself to keep up with what I think I *should* be able to do. It's not really working!
I have written before about how difficult breastfeeding has been for me. How I have worked hard with each baby to get enough milk to feed them, taking supplements, pumping, generally exhausting myself. It has been work! Now I can say we have done it! I am able to feed this baby with just my milk and she is healthy and happy! It is a great feeling. But it is a reward that has come at a cost, which I am just now fully realizing and internalizing...
I used to think that failing at nursing was my body refusing to cooperate with what I needed it to do. I see now that I probably have been expecting my body to keep up with too much. I have tried to keep up with unpacking boxes, painting, decorating, building furniture, gardening, homeschooling, sewing, taking phone calls of love sick family members, cooking gourmet meals, teaching Sunday school and countless other endeavors after just having given birth and trying to establish my milk supply. Never mind that I had a c-section for the birth of the 3rd child, that didn't keep me from jumping right back into the list of "have too's" that I keep for myself. Never mind that I had to put the baby down every time to do one of these. How could I not see that just the stress of doing these things was preventing me from having an adequate milk supply?
I was convinced that I could do all of it. Surely other women were doing the same thing and they seemed to have NO problem feeding their baby. Well, no one ever said they did it all, I just assumed it. I am both relieved and guilt stricken by that realization. Other nursing mothers don't do carpentry projects during their infant's nap time? Other nursing mothers don't even know what nap time is with an infant! Nursing mother's don't keep up with the laundry and have clean houses? No, they don't. They sacrifice all these thing so they can sit with their baby and do the best thing for the baby right now, which is feeding them!
Setting aside everything else to sit and nurse my baby has been difficult for me. I am used to having a bottle fed baby. Yes, I nursed them also, but I finished most feedings with a little bit of formula, and then the baby would sleep heavily and I went off to work on one of my "projects". It allowed me to gain a lot of confidence and skill that I use every day - for example, cooking new recipes from Gourmet magazine taught me how to actually cook! Sewing dresses for my nieces and friends weddings gave me the confidence to move on to building furniture. But doing all these projects meant sacrificing time with my infant and that time could have made all the difference in being successful at nursing. I really didn't see it as a problem at the time.
I forced myself to stay home with this baby. I did not enroll my children in summer sports. I quit teaching class at church. I let the house just get OUT OF CONTROL, all so I could sit still, relax and focus on feeding this baby. And it has worked.
The challenge I face now is keeping it that way. As the weeks passed by after the birth of our little girl, and we had a good milk supply established, we were starting to feel rested, the baby slept pretty well, I started adding chores in. First, the kitchen. Just the meals and the dishes. When we got that down, I started on the other chores: laundry, bathrooms, vacuuming. I even got around to mopping! I hadn't figured out how to get the shopping done yet, but I was feeling great about myself, about nursing, about being a more peaceful parent. And of course, with things going so well..... I took on more. Not only more, but I jumped ahead several steps. School started, we joined a club, and we were suddenly involved in several family events! And somewhere over head is a list of house projects and landscaping and sewing and crafts....
I found my balance and then threw it out the window again because I felt pushed to do it all! Its like this weird reflex - someone asks for something or suggest an activity and my arm twitches and flails above my head, going "I can do it!" The reality is I CAN'T! I have a hard time with that. I am so used to being the capable one that I am afraid to tell people NO. I feel pushed to be at church, at clubs, at dinners, when I KNOW that I am supposed to be at home! The worst part of it all is that for years my husband has been telling me the same thing! Being home and nursing my baby, cooking meals, cleaning, and teaching school IS my first priority, my most important job, but I am often willing to sacrifice it all for .... for what?
The praise or honor of helping others? The social atmosphere of church?
Is the root of my drive a pride issue? Most definitely!
A harsh realization: I am holding myself up to an impossible standard and reflecting that impossible standard to other women as one they should be striving for as well! By my trying to take it all on and be this "accomplished" stay home, homeschooling mom, I am encouraging others who might see me to do the same! What if other moms feel like they have to do that and are also short changing their families?!
I spread myself (and my children) thin and rarely see it is a problem, even when things start to fall below standard. The things that get sacrificed are things like meals, clean clothes, rest, family time.....I can't keep going like this. It is hard to say it, but I am going to be the one: I do not have to keep up (or stay ahead) of the pack! I am a mother first, my place is at home! My husband and my kids deserve to be first - first to be fed, be cleaned, be kissed and first to receive the gifts made by my hands. I cannot give any more energy outside the home until I get this well in hand and can recognize when I am stepping outside my boundaries.
You may disagree, but if I am failing there then I consider myself a failure. I don't want my children to grow up wishing I had spent more time with them, even though I home school. I don't want my husband to feel like the last man on the totem pole because I am rushing out the door to an event or church and didn't leave dinner for him. I want to nurse my baby and know I gave her everything I could, even if it means sacrificing having a clean home. I am ashamed to say that as bad as I can treat my family when I am under a *cough* self imposed deadline, I borderline abuse myself. I will put off basic things like sleep and showering to help someone else! I need to rest and take care of myself, and by doing this, I will take better care of my family!
Anyway, if you are wondering where I am, why I am not around, I am at home. Where I should be.
I have written before about how difficult breastfeeding has been for me. How I have worked hard with each baby to get enough milk to feed them, taking supplements, pumping, generally exhausting myself. It has been work! Now I can say we have done it! I am able to feed this baby with just my milk and she is healthy and happy! It is a great feeling. But it is a reward that has come at a cost, which I am just now fully realizing and internalizing...
I used to think that failing at nursing was my body refusing to cooperate with what I needed it to do. I see now that I probably have been expecting my body to keep up with too much. I have tried to keep up with unpacking boxes, painting, decorating, building furniture, gardening, homeschooling, sewing, taking phone calls of love sick family members, cooking gourmet meals, teaching Sunday school and countless other endeavors after just having given birth and trying to establish my milk supply. Never mind that I had a c-section for the birth of the 3rd child, that didn't keep me from jumping right back into the list of "have too's" that I keep for myself. Never mind that I had to put the baby down every time to do one of these. How could I not see that just the stress of doing these things was preventing me from having an adequate milk supply?
I was convinced that I could do all of it. Surely other women were doing the same thing and they seemed to have NO problem feeding their baby. Well, no one ever said they did it all, I just assumed it. I am both relieved and guilt stricken by that realization. Other nursing mothers don't do carpentry projects during their infant's nap time? Other nursing mothers don't even know what nap time is with an infant! Nursing mother's don't keep up with the laundry and have clean houses? No, they don't. They sacrifice all these thing so they can sit with their baby and do the best thing for the baby right now, which is feeding them!
Setting aside everything else to sit and nurse my baby has been difficult for me. I am used to having a bottle fed baby. Yes, I nursed them also, but I finished most feedings with a little bit of formula, and then the baby would sleep heavily and I went off to work on one of my "projects". It allowed me to gain a lot of confidence and skill that I use every day - for example, cooking new recipes from Gourmet magazine taught me how to actually cook! Sewing dresses for my nieces and friends weddings gave me the confidence to move on to building furniture. But doing all these projects meant sacrificing time with my infant and that time could have made all the difference in being successful at nursing. I really didn't see it as a problem at the time.
I forced myself to stay home with this baby. I did not enroll my children in summer sports. I quit teaching class at church. I let the house just get OUT OF CONTROL, all so I could sit still, relax and focus on feeding this baby. And it has worked.
The challenge I face now is keeping it that way. As the weeks passed by after the birth of our little girl, and we had a good milk supply established, we were starting to feel rested, the baby slept pretty well, I started adding chores in. First, the kitchen. Just the meals and the dishes. When we got that down, I started on the other chores: laundry, bathrooms, vacuuming. I even got around to mopping! I hadn't figured out how to get the shopping done yet, but I was feeling great about myself, about nursing, about being a more peaceful parent. And of course, with things going so well..... I took on more. Not only more, but I jumped ahead several steps. School started, we joined a club, and we were suddenly involved in several family events! And somewhere over head is a list of house projects and landscaping and sewing and crafts....
I found my balance and then threw it out the window again because I felt pushed to do it all! Its like this weird reflex - someone asks for something or suggest an activity and my arm twitches and flails above my head, going "I can do it!" The reality is I CAN'T! I have a hard time with that. I am so used to being the capable one that I am afraid to tell people NO. I feel pushed to be at church, at clubs, at dinners, when I KNOW that I am supposed to be at home! The worst part of it all is that for years my husband has been telling me the same thing! Being home and nursing my baby, cooking meals, cleaning, and teaching school IS my first priority, my most important job, but I am often willing to sacrifice it all for .... for what?
The praise or honor of helping others? The social atmosphere of church?
Is the root of my drive a pride issue? Most definitely!
A harsh realization: I am holding myself up to an impossible standard and reflecting that impossible standard to other women as one they should be striving for as well! By my trying to take it all on and be this "accomplished" stay home, homeschooling mom, I am encouraging others who might see me to do the same! What if other moms feel like they have to do that and are also short changing their families?!
I spread myself (and my children) thin and rarely see it is a problem, even when things start to fall below standard. The things that get sacrificed are things like meals, clean clothes, rest, family time.....I can't keep going like this. It is hard to say it, but I am going to be the one: I do not have to keep up (or stay ahead) of the pack! I am a mother first, my place is at home! My husband and my kids deserve to be first - first to be fed, be cleaned, be kissed and first to receive the gifts made by my hands. I cannot give any more energy outside the home until I get this well in hand and can recognize when I am stepping outside my boundaries.
You may disagree, but if I am failing there then I consider myself a failure. I don't want my children to grow up wishing I had spent more time with them, even though I home school. I don't want my husband to feel like the last man on the totem pole because I am rushing out the door to an event or church and didn't leave dinner for him. I want to nurse my baby and know I gave her everything I could, even if it means sacrificing having a clean home. I am ashamed to say that as bad as I can treat my family when I am under a *cough* self imposed deadline, I borderline abuse myself. I will put off basic things like sleep and showering to help someone else! I need to rest and take care of myself, and by doing this, I will take better care of my family!
Anyway, if you are wondering where I am, why I am not around, I am at home. Where I should be.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Time travel
Looking at the little, sleeping child next to me, I cannot imagine that she will ever be bigger than she is right now. I can't imagine that she will soon be running around and talking to me about her day or helping me in the kitchen. Right now, she is so little and constantly by my side.
It has been that way with every one of my children. Sure, I know they will grow up. Of course they will! It is just difficult to see it happening. I can't look around the house right now without seeing another one of my children, growing, changing, all at varying ages and stages, brought here by time travel. Seemingly created in this form, no one remembers how we got here, but here we all are, and they are older, bigger and more intelligent. My 10 year old is proof that children grow, and they do it quickly.
I held him once and marveled at the endless possibility of his future, how vast it seemed in its limitless potential and impossible to know or foresee. I know the same will be true for this little girl I hold now. It may not seem like it, especially on the days when she is unhappy or needs to be in constant contact physically with me, but someday she will have all the abilities to stand on her own. She will speak her mind and make her own decisions and have to accept consequences, all on her own. If I'm lucky, I will be there to comfort, console and counsel.
We are unable to record or recollect every moment of our children's lives (well, you could record it, but that is a lot of work and slightly creepy). Instead, we catch those expressions that they have been making since day 1 or 2, or we hear them saying a phrase they used as a toddler or preschooler, and it jogs our memory and we get a chance to
travel back in time. The best part is that we get to take them with us in a way. as we share those stories with them. Its like our own little time machine.I will try to cherish every moment I have with this babe. There may be days that I wish she was feeding herself or able to help me with laundry, but these are also days that I will never get back and she will never be this small again. Small enough to be cuddled in the crook of my elbow and the curve of my neck. Small enough to remind me of how it felt to have her somersaulting in my belly.
This summer has flown by while I have been inside, slowing down time, absorbing every moment of her first days. I didn't get to soak up the sun, but I basked in the smiles and sighs of my little one. That's what my time machine runs on.
Monday, May 30, 2011
It's a Girl!
It's a girl! I am very pleased to announce that our baby has arrived and it is a girl!
Born Friday, May 27th at our home. Her daddy delivered her and we are both recovering well and the whole family is taking some time to rest and bond.
We feel blessed to have another child and so very glad that she is healthy.
Even though she is just days old, already I get little flashes of overwhelming job I have in front of me - raising a girl! Sure, some of my worries are the same for all my children, but I never realized that there would be a different set of worries that come with having girls rather than boys. Should they be different? I have cared for my boys with one frame of mind and never considered what those same things would mean if I were caring for girls and some of the things we will face in the future, as parents of a girl, are scary!
I realize some of this is just part of the anxiety of having a newborn child. I'll stop there and not get into what could be a rabbit hole! :)
Born Friday, May 27th at our home. Her daddy delivered her and we are both recovering well and the whole family is taking some time to rest and bond.
We feel blessed to have another child and so very glad that she is healthy.
Even though she is just days old, already I get little flashes of overwhelming job I have in front of me - raising a girl! Sure, some of my worries are the same for all my children, but I never realized that there would be a different set of worries that come with having girls rather than boys. Should they be different? I have cared for my boys with one frame of mind and never considered what those same things would mean if I were caring for girls and some of the things we will face in the future, as parents of a girl, are scary!
I realize some of this is just part of the anxiety of having a newborn child. I'll stop there and not get into what could be a rabbit hole! :)
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Locker room humor
Our homeschooled children have finally been introduced to some of the euphemisms for male genitalia, specifically "wiener" and the name "Dick". Try explaining those to a 9, 7 and 5 year old and not laughing. As the mother of 4 boys, I'm surprised we were able to put it off so long! Oh joy.
One of the interesting things I have learned, during my few years as a mother and homeschooler, is that playground/locker room humor is not just a "learned" thing. Sure, a lot of it can be avoided by eliminating videos and social interaction that contain inappropriate things, but for the most part, boys will find something to turn into a joke. Body functions, be they loud or smelly, or silly sounding body parts, are just funny to boys! Some girls laugh at things like that, but it really seems to be part of the male sense of humor. They can laugh at the disgusting parts of being a walking, talking, digesting, excreting, fallible human. It bothers me, but mostly, I just try to keep it reigned in and let them find things funny.
Something about being able to laugh at the silly thing must be a coping/bonding method for them as they grow up and face their destiny as men. Men bond over armpit orchestras and instant replays of groin injuries, whether it is in a locker room or battle field. It must be part of their nature for a very good reason. Crude, yes, but does it possibly help them to deal with the grim reality of war and the heavy responsibilities of being men? It could. I'll just have to keep it tempered with my motherly remarks and trust that God made them the way they are supposed to be. Anyone else have some insight into this? I'd love to hear from some dad's....!
One of the interesting things I have learned, during my few years as a mother and homeschooler, is that playground/locker room humor is not just a "learned" thing. Sure, a lot of it can be avoided by eliminating videos and social interaction that contain inappropriate things, but for the most part, boys will find something to turn into a joke. Body functions, be they loud or smelly, or silly sounding body parts, are just funny to boys! Some girls laugh at things like that, but it really seems to be part of the male sense of humor. They can laugh at the disgusting parts of being a walking, talking, digesting, excreting, fallible human. It bothers me, but mostly, I just try to keep it reigned in and let them find things funny.
Something about being able to laugh at the silly thing must be a coping/bonding method for them as they grow up and face their destiny as men. Men bond over armpit orchestras and instant replays of groin injuries, whether it is in a locker room or battle field. It must be part of their nature for a very good reason. Crude, yes, but does it possibly help them to deal with the grim reality of war and the heavy responsibilities of being men? It could. I'll just have to keep it tempered with my motherly remarks and trust that God made them the way they are supposed to be. Anyone else have some insight into this? I'd love to hear from some dad's....!
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